James motherfucking Blunt

Rugger bugger (you know he played it at school) James Blunt appears to be attempting to make some kind of fucking comeback. Just as we'd all managed to get that shit "you're beautiful" song (I'm convinced that many couples have this as "their song" which makes me wanna vom)out of our heads his fugly face reappears on TV.
He was on GMTV this morning (God only know why I waste my time with that shit anyway) and Ben-the-arse-licker Shepherd was all, "Whaaat have you been up to?"
I believe that the posh wanker has been lazing around on Daddy's yacht for the past year being surrounded by a surprisingly high amount of hot Ra's. Ocassionally making a trip to the main land to pick up another crate of Cristal and round up some more slightly inbred looking rich women to rub suncream into his skinny chest.
When he was on TV he did look like he hadn't managed to shave in the past year, maybe he was trying to be more like Tom Hanks in Castaway. Basically, James motherfucking Blunt is a cock.

Whiley has Diseases

Yeah, you better shut that trap Whiley or someone might catch that disease you have! You may have noticed, that if a song by Gash like U2 or (motherfucking) Coldplay, or any of that dullard shiz, Whiley finds herself all covered in 'Goosebumps'. I dont think this is normal, I think she has a disease. The normal physical symptom induced by such MOR shite is vomming. Perhaps she caught some germs when licking arses, shit is full of bacteria don't you know Jo?

David Blaine is a cockend

That magical twat who likes to trap himself in glass tanks high in the sky had planned to do another fucking stupid non magic trick. The tattooed up bell-end (pictured above) has decided to be eaten by a giant snake owned by Derren Brown who he will then attempt to make sick. Essentially he is going to make Derren Brown's snake sick. He will take control of Brown's snake and then make him sick it up. Blaine has spoken out explaining,
"If you thought my previous stunts were intense, this new one will leave you speechless. I can’t reveal any details (yet) but I’ve started preparing and training for the most dangerous and death-defying challenge of my career."
Some critics have been commented on the shock of the two dickheads working together on this project. It does seem weird that Brown would lend his snake to his nemesis. Blaine says that Brown has been very understanding because, "this challenge is close to my heart."

Church of fashion

I'm not going to turn this in to a fashion blog, nor do I want to but I have to put this image up from my recent visit across the channel.
The fashion place of worship which is the Louis Vuitton store on Champs Elysees! WoooOOooo

Cliff Richard - Hot or Not?

I'm getting a little bit excited about videos this morning. Well, who wouldn't when youtube offers such a great wealth of entertainment.
I had not seen this "groovy" video until this morning and can't help but see old man Cliff in a new light. Maybe he should go back to these days of wetlook trousers and rollerblades (up dated for the kids with wheelies).


Whilst we're on the subject of rollerblades, I fucking hate rollerbladers. Especially grown ups who think its acceptable. I am under the impression that both roller skates and roller blades were created for children who wanted to have fun? Sometimes this develops and teenagers learn jumps and all that shizzle which is fine as it is usually confined to some small skate park which I never even see. However, grown adults who should know better using rollerblades as a form of transport is pretty fucking irritating. Makes me want to push them over. Wheelies make me mad too, make me think that children should never be allowed out of school.
This man is angry about Wheelies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnboTBFpHwE
Highlight, "I'm not trying to diss kids but I'm not really a big fan of them".

Hotty of the week

The hotty of the week, a feature I just decided upon which is sure to be forgotten within minutes, comes from a suggestion made by Sesame Street resident Kamantha Sohi. She commented on the supposed "hotness" of Cheers star Ted Danson. Mmmm.
Not convinced? This montage video is sure to sway your decision...

Jools Holland is SATAN.

There are a lot of cunts on television but none of them quite compare to the jiz-stained, rim-licker that is Jools Motherfucking Holland.

The main problem with old JMH is that his show is really good, and despite having to put up with spatterings of whatever gash world music some smug twat at the BBC thinks is cool that week, An Evening with Jools Holland is an important platform for less mainstream bands to delight the world with their musical musings.

What is entirely unnecessary however, is the way the slimy little cretin shamelessly sidles up to his guests, getting all matey with them and spoiling perfectly good compositons by pissing on them with horrendously pretentious spatterings of Jazz Piano.

And as for his introduction of the guests at the beginning of the show, the self-inflated little tosser may as well get his cock out and wank over whatever the line-up may be that week. Jools, they're not your freinds, they are on your show because it is good and gets ratings.

But alas, every Friday, I tune in, like some masochistic goon and rant away. If I die of an aneurysm, it will be the fault of JMH.

Fox man on the loose

Ha. The title which I have just written reminds me of a particularly witty joke involving a tree. Anyway, here is a giant fox roaming around Field Day in London's Victoria Park. As you can see from this photo, the ladies were quite distracted by this creatures good looks. It is no coincidence that the term 'foxy' is often used to describe someone sexually attractive. A fox is definitely up there with the world's most attractive animals. I don't mean thin, haggered city foxes that roam the streets raiding bins. No, I'm referring to those that take pride in their glossy coats. This trail of thought got me and Terry Nutkins thinking about other attractive animals.No, sorry but I don't agree Terry.
What about rabbits? Jessica Rabbit was always popular with the lads. Or cats? Lion's are majestic, so they've gotta be up there. Top 5 animals coming soon...

Gold, Gold! Always believe in your so-ul...

Ladies, ca-alm down. I know it's hard to resist actually licking the screen of your monitor as this man and his wonderful gold leggings probably feature in the dictionary under 'sex'. However, you can get anybody you know to rock this style, this man isn't any different from any other man he was just fortunate enough to hear about the rather fetching foil trousers. Why not recommend that your boyfriend/friend/neighbour/local shop owner/boss gets himself (or herself) a pair of these leggings from American Apparel in a size that is too big. £28 from American Apparel online.

First criticism

Robin Brian Stannard reveals his damning verdict of L'argent et la Rue

Macca can't sail Linda

Wacka Macca sits alone upon Linda in the Hamptons. If you look really closely you can see his arse crack. A source revealed dismay, "If I died, and he named a boat after me I'd haunt him."
Is Sir Paul being haunted? I'm also not convinced that he can sail, seems like he's trying to play it cool before screaming that he's drifting away. Doesn't appear to have anything to steer the boat so Macca will just sail round in circles all day. This photo was taken yesterday and he still hasn't managed to get ashore. "I need somebody...Not just anybody..."
I hope he gets another boat and calls it Heather.

Stephen King is a vandal

The author Stephen King is such a mad vandal that he has even taken to defacing his own work! He was recently spotted in an Australian bookstore scrawling on his very own novels. I'm sure lots of hard graft went in to these masterpieces.
Bookshop manager Bev Ellis said: "When you see someone writing in one of your books you get a bit toey."
Not entirely sure about 'toey' but imagine how insane you must go when you realise you're writing in your own book!
Later that day a mere member of the public described crazy King as "charming". King has more faces than Big Ben. However his representative in Australia told the media he was unaware the author was in the country. Maybe it wasn't even the real Stephen King! Maybe Stephen King and Banksy are the same person...you read it here first!

Best Drink in the World

Eamon Holmes likes Zara Philips midrift

Eamonn Holmes shocked This Morning viewers today with perverted declarations about royal family member Zara Philips. "She does like to show off her midrift doesn't she?" I'm sure he rubbed his thighs afterwards. Bad Eamonn Holmes. People have commented on Eamonn's performance being somewhat wooden. You can continue to be shocked by Mr. Holmes antics every morning on ITV at 10.30am. Keep young children away.

Must see places in Britain: Loughton

Sometimes it's easy to stick to going out in the places you know. When you live in London, you often restrict yourself to one small area. So this weekend, the Lauras considered what else was out there, what was at the other end of the central line? Well, if you're brave enough to sit on a train for an hour or so and venture to deepest darkest Essex you'll eventually stumble upon a small town known as Loughton. We think this could be the next big thing.

But what's so great about Loughton I hear you cry...Well aside from being set in beautiful countryside (see above) it also has a great array of supermarkets to offer...Including slightly pikey Morrisons
And even a Sainsburys

Still not convinced? Here are some Loughton facts...

• Alan Davies, a British actor best known for playing Jonathan Creek, is from Loughton
• All English paper money is made in Loughton
• Loughton grew because in 1615 a road was built northwards which became the main route from London to Newmarket and Cambridge

See you there!

Hugh Pennington's thought of the day

Today Mr. Pennington would like to hire a Fiat PUNtooooo.

Roadtripping

Let's take two girls...Both filthy rich
From the bright lights, Into the sticks
From velvet robes, To cattle poles
Lets take away their limousines
Their credits cards and shopping sprees
Well they're both spoilt rotten
Will they cry when they hit bottom?
Heaven knows who can survive, this simple country kind of life

Postmodern

Welcome to the crazy world of L'argent et La Rue!

"Remember this time, it's like when google began"