Let your children watch Sesame Street, especially Monsterpiece Theatre

Can't believe what I have been reading today about Sesame Street being no longer appropriate for children! I grew up loving Sesame Street, I would watch it every lunch time and love the Cookie Monster! I am not obese, violent or a smoker so it clearly didn't influence me to do anything bad.

Monsterpiece Theatre has been particularly criticised because Cookie Monster smokes a pipe (which he sometimes eats). Do they not realise that kids can walk down the street and see people smoking? Doesn't mean they're going to do it, and even if they do it's their choice! What happened to personal choice?!

Alien creatures discovered in Suffolk

There has been a discovery of a strange life form in the Southern English county of Suffolk. The find, which happened late last night has baffled scientists and is being considered as an attempt at an alien invasion.

The discovery on Sunday at Redgrave Park Farm near Diss, is being described as over 6,000 unknown species. One onlooker described an unusual shaped creature with wings, webbed feet and a hard almost-plastic mouth.

The BBC reports, "A 3km protection zone and a 10km surveillance zone have been set up and the farm is co-operating with vets."

In a slightly bizarre twist Mr. Benn was on hand to comment in Parliament yesterday. Mr Benn told the House of Commons: "I'm not going to speculate as to whether this outbreak is going to get larger."

Police and scientists at the scene are being sprayed with a special hose.

Despite this obviously being due to extra terrestrial activity they are investigating it's origin. "At this stage we are looking with an open mind as to the origin and all potential sources of the origin will be investigated." We're still waiting to hear from our close friend Mr. Pennington.

Ken Livingstone's pants are on fire

A great black smoke covered much of London today as the Mayor visited the 2012 olympic games site. Ken Livingstone was just preparing his speech on how little money they'd spent on the sports extravaganza when his pinstriped trousers began to smoulder.

Onlookers described their shock and outrage as Livingstone's pants burst in to flames. Onlooker Paul Izzet said,"After 10 minutes, it was like having your face six inches from a coal fire, it was that hot".

Office workers across London rushed to the window to gaze at the spectacle, much like in a school playground when a fight was about to break out. Police commented that they did not think it was a terrorist prank, "Not at all," said a police spokesman. "It's a fire -- a very large fire."

Despite two ambulances being called to the event nobody was injured and Livingstone was treated for mild burns.
[source]

The not so changing face of Jamie Oliver

This afternoon whilst watching reruns of Jamie at Home (mainly so I can hurl abuse at the cockney dickhead) I noticed that the pie faced Oliver has barely aged. Since he burst on to our screens with his book 'The Naked Chef'' way back before the Milennium bug his cheeky-chappy face was framed by a mane of wavy mousy brown hair. Now, more than 8 years on from the launch the man who is keeping cockney rhyming slang alive appears to have not aged in the slightest.

Maybe this goes some way to explain why his face has caused so much controversy with British residents. It has been reported that, "Official figures show that more than 380,000 started a new life overseas, unable to endure another second of grinning chef."

I am intrigued by his anti aging technique. I imagine, if asked, he would say it was down to a healthy diet comprising of youzou lemons, home grown radish and le boeuf. He is not a scratch on L'argent et la Rue favourite Nig.
[source]

Phil Collins is a gorilla

It's easy to get bogged down with the stuff that we hate or the things that make us angry here at L'argent et La Rue. So here is a bit of light relief in the form of the latest Cadbury advert. It's great to see a gorilla that is so well musically trained. Maybe the 'Gorillaz' could become a real thing? One thing is not clear, what has a gorilla got to do with chocolate? Maybe we don't want to know the answer to that. Enjoy...

The Bad Book - Jeremy Kyle

Who does Jeremy Kyle think he is? Every morning, he rounds up the stragglers from the dole que, packs them into his studio, reveals the real biological fathers of a child or two, then proceeds to disect the situation with a series of pseudo-psycholoical phrases.

Except half the time, he hasn't got a clue what he is talking about! Every time he muses, 'hmm, interesting theory', or 'well it's probably because you were rejected by the neighbours dog', he sounds more like he has highlighted and memorised bits of a psychology textbook than someone with actual insight.

The other half of the time, he is just patronising. He may as well say to guests, 'well that's because you are a fucking idiot'. Who does that little scrote think he is? I preferred him on the radio, when the guest's problems were raunchier (there was once a woman considering the down sides of a spit roast) and you couldnt see he stern little face.

So that's why you're in the bad book Kyle. You Twat.

Hotty of the Week: Roberto Cavalli (as Count Von Lagerfeld)

This week's Hotty is non other than animal print loving designer Roberto Cavalli! The Italian Stallion who has recently designed a collection for high street retailer H&M is pictured above at a Halloween party last week. He is dressed up in the ultimate costume as fellow designer Karl Lagerfeld. Cavalli completely stole my costume idea but I guess I can let him off.

We just love his tantastic complexion, WAG-esque designs and love for VB. He is just like you and me though, he loves just lazing around at home and cooking on his luxury yacht, just like you and me!

Previous Hotties: Wacko Jacko | Genghis | Ted Danson

Welcome to the bad book...Kerry Katona

Another new feature for L'argent et La Rue...The Bad Book. We often talk about the bad book so I thought I might start writing about it. A sort of virtual Room 101 that will slowly fill up with celebrities that we deem to be not worth their weight in reality TV video tapes.
First in is Northern Kerry Katona. This mainly stems from that AWFUL Iceland advert which she is currently gracing our screens in. My least favourite bit of the ad is when she says, "Big Posh Prawns".
I'm not even sure why Kerry is famous. I obviously am aware of her stint in Atomic Shitten and her little stint in the jungle but seriously, does that warrant fame? Does that warrant being on the cover of OK! every other week (Jordan is on the cover for the rest of the time). No Kerry, we don't care that you're up the duff again, no we're not interested in the latest golddigging man you've managed to track down in some dodgy Northern piss hole, and we certainly do not care about the argument you've had with him and whether you might split up again. Bored now. Time for a new celebrity interest.
Her latest assault on the world comes in the form of a novel which is apparently expected to be a bestseller at Christmas. For the love of God PLEASE don't buy it. She will only spend the ca$h on fishfingers.

Outrage at Hammersmith and Fulham Council as they Deprive Local Residents of Booze at Ravenscourt Park Fireworks!

The Sign prohibiting a selection of bonfire related items on the way into Ravenscourt Park, that may as well have read 'No Fun' should have said it all. As L'Argent et La Rue excitedly skipped into the park on Saturday night, eager to warm themselves up with mulled alcoholic beverages whilst making boom sound effects along to the fireworks, they were confronted with a terrible scene. No stalls selling alcohol! Whose wild idea at Hammersmith and Fuck Off Borough Council was this!

They may have thought it was for the good of the children (although who gives a fuck about the children as far as I'm concerned) but in actual fact, countless children could have been injured in the mad stampede for the pub as soon as the fireworks had finished. Didn't consider that one now did you Hammersmith and Fuck off?!

If like me, you are a fellow peaved member of this misled borough, please join me in a revolt! Withhold your council tax, shit in your recycling bags, MAKE THEM PAY!!!!

Heather Mills makes Sir Paul confess that she is nice

Ring, ring....Ring, ring
Sir Paul: Hello?
Dragon: (whimper)
Sir Paul: Hello?
Dragon: (heavy breathing)...hello.
Sir Paul: Heather? Is that You?
Dragon: Hello, Paul help, I need...
Sir Paul: I think you mean 'Sir' Paul.
Dragon: Yes, yes of course. Sorry Sir Paul, did you see me on TV?
Sir Paul: (sigh) Yes I saw your little outburst.
Dragon: They're on to me. I think they might know my 'secret'. If you could do one thing for me...
Sir Paul: £20 million is my final offer.
Dragon: (heavy breathing) one extra thing...Please tell them that I'm nice. I am nice, remember when I used to be nice to you? We had some good times, nice times. I was really nice, not crazy at all. I used to do charitable acts, and that's nice, right?
Sir Paul: What?
Dragon: So you'll tell them all that I'm a nice person? Not a golddigger. I'm nice. Not mad, insane or a fantasist. NICE.
Sir Paul: Well, if I thought you were that nice we wouldn't be getting divorced. Sorry but...
Dragon: TELL THEM I'M NICE OR I'M OPENING THE BOX.
Sir Paul: Box?
Dragon: YOU KNOW.
Sir Paul: Sorry Heather but I really must be going...
Dragon: YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM HOW NICE I AM!!

New Spice Girls video gratuitous gash shots

Friday night was the premiere of the latest reunited bands musical efforts. The Spice Girls have recorded the single for the current Children in Need campaign a track amusingly called 'Headlines'. The reunion is an obvious money spinner for the girls who all appear to hate each others guts anyway and can clearly only stand to be in the same room together for five minutes. Victoria "Posh" Beckham is probably in it for something to do as she has a swimming pool full of ca$h and has therefore taken a slightly superior approach to the band with her, you-girls-need-this-more-than-I-do stance. In the video I think she is trying to look sexy by messing up her pob and posing in a Basic Instinct style. She is also revealing an abnormal amount of flesh.

Geri "Ginger" Halliwell is truly living up to her favourite single title by being a complete wannabe. She is so desperate to be the most popular of the reunited band that she is literally just standing around in a bra and trousers. It is a completley unnecessary decision and one that will definitely make you ask, Why? when watching the video. Yes, she has nice abs but didn't she get those from a bad case of eating disorder?

Emma "Baby" Bunton who recently gave birth to her baby Beau is forced to sit behind a high table in the video to prevent her from revealing, shock-horror baby fat. I don't even know if she has any but she was clearly not skinny enough for a full length shot.

Melanie "Scary" Brown obviously wanted a piece of the revealing clothing trend so again poses pointlessly in a bra and skirt. She doesn't seem to care very much about the activities of Geri or Victoria.

Melanie "Sporty" Chisholm has repeatedly told reporters about her unhappiness with the decision to reunite. She comes across best in the video by refusing to pose in ridiculous underwear. I imagine she said, I am not joining in with this ridiculous gratuitous bullshit.

The Next Big Thing - Zoe Silver

They say that children are the future, so here's a glimpse beyond the barriers of time of a child who is set to become one of the biggest folk stars British Music has seen over the next ten years.

Zoe Silver, currently learning to play the keyboard, having already mastered Flute, Clarinet and singing is being groomed by L'Argent et la Rue to be the next decade's top singer-songwriter.

It seems that artists are getting younger and younger these days. Reigning queen of nu-folk Laura Marling is only 17 and already she is supporting the likes of Devendra Banhart on his latest tour, so we're taking a leaf out of Ma Spears' book and starting little Zoe now!

Watch this space!

Raunchy Cliff Richard

Old Bastard heart throb Cliff Richard has shocked his fellow Christians with a saucy shoot for his 2008 calendar. The tantastic singer who is probably about to release yet another bible bashing Christmas hit is actually only 67. For some reason I assumed he was closer to 80. The Daily Mail reports that "To keep in trim he plays tennis and swims regularly, and endures intensive cardiovascular and resistance work-outs at the gym." I bet he plays tennis with the dirty Sue Barker. She loves a bit of Cliff.
"Clintons, WH Smith and Amazon have all had to place repeat orders while hundreds of fans have posted enthusiastic messages on his official website." I can't wait to get my hands on a copy, everybody I know is getting one for Christmas.

Joke about Edward Woodward

H to the Iso just told me an amazing joke and I thought I'd share it with the world

- "Why does Edward Woodward have so many d's in his name ?

If he didn't he'd be called Ewar Woowar"

Don't get mad, get even! Catknapper works hard on his garden

This sounds like a made up story, or a plot line from a daytime soap but according to the newspaper of troof, the Daily Mail, this is actually happening. The thing that staggers me about the cat mysteries of Bramley Crescent is not the sheer cheek of the avid gardener who is taking the animals but rather the imaginative names of the pets.

If I were a catknapper (which, for the record, I am not) I would steal cats on the basis of their shit names. Imagine how annoying it would be on a sunny day to be lazing in your garden only to hear your neighbour calling, "Puss Puss!" This does not sound like a pet, sounds like a mean infection. Tooty would cause similar irritation.

Is there no originality on Bramley Crescent? One of the cats is called 'Blackie' which unsurprisingly is the black cat at the bottom. I actually think this is a bit of a racist name for an animal. Why is it ok to call a cat Blackie but not a person of the Asian persuasion a Brownie?
I am intrigued by Spoon. What kind of behaviours must 'Spoon' possess to get such a name?

I'm gonna start a campaign just for the return of Spoon and Tooty. The others are probably better off with new owners who give them better names.
[source: Daily Mail]

WAIT! Maybe James Blunt DOES have a sense of humour

This is completely stolen from Pop Bitch. Sorry for this shameless easy post but it's funny! I might have been wrong about everybody's favourite posh singer. James Motherfucking Blunt loves Triangles! Maybe this is because he's a square and opposites attract?! I dunno it which world the square is the opposite of a triangle. Maybe on Sesame Street?
"I saw three angles, of that I'm sure".
I love Sesame Street, it's amazing. There's an awesome episode featuring REM singing Furry Happy Monsters. It's an old classic. This has got me thinking about other possible collaborations for the children's TV Show. How about MJ singing "Have you seen my Monkey?" (Childhood) or a pissed up Wineo or Britters. So many jokes about this being the only way Britters kids could see her but it's just too easy.

Hotty of the Week - Michael Jackson Shows Us His Inner Beauty

They say that looks don't matter, that it is what's inside that counts (although we all know that is not always true). Trust good old MJ then, L'Argent at La Rue's 'Hotty of the Week' this week to practically wipe his arse on the rule book and reach a whole new level of beauty by showing us what's inside him. Inside his face that is!

By hacking up his face more than a whole football team's worth of WAGS, MJ's inner beauty becomes his outer beauty, there for us all to see, gaping out of the holes in his expertly chiselled nose. HOT.

Nation of the Week: Russia

L'argent et La Rue have acquired a new liking for the Russian nation over the past few days. Having indirectly gained a friend called Vladimir we have been thinking about all the great Russian things such as Vodka, Cossack dancers and Tatu!
We have found many songs to support our latest interest including the MJ classic Stranger in Moscow.

There is also a Sting song about Russia, although this is pretty shit. He is just whining on about Russia and not celebrating it's greatness. Unlike the Russian national anthem...Check out the rock version!

Join us in our celebration, dig out your fur hats, coats and general warm clothing. Grab a bottle of vodka and drink it straight throughout your meals. Why not take up cossack dancing in Folkestone?

Anybody up for being in a Paris Hilton movie?

It's no secret that L'argent et La Rue think they are the next Paris and Nicole. We have faced a few teething problems in this challenge, namely that we're yet to get a TV network to back our genius show ideas, but realise that these things take time. So imagine my excitement when I saw that for her latest film the horror/musical move, "Repo! The Genetic Opera" they are advertising for extras!
Before I explain the excitement let's just consider that film. A Horror/musical...hmmm...what an interesting combination. It's like the first time any body considered fusing rock & hip-hop. I'm sure horror musicals have existed for years but starring Paris Hilton??? I hope she gets to sing Stars are Blind at some point. Hopefully when trying to win over a savage killler.
Anyway, if you live in Torronto and are DYING to meet Paris (I am seriously considering paying for the flight over the Atlantic). You have to work for 8 hours with no pay but you get a free lunch (who says there's no such thing?!) TMZ explains, "The film is a musical about organ financing after an epidemic of organ failures." Bizarre. I wonder if Hilton offered her inheritance to help out before realising that films are not real life.
Love you Paris

Where's Hugh?

Now that noone really cares about Foot and Mouth Disease any more, we havnt been seeing much of everybodies favourite bovine disease expert, Sir Hugh Pennington, on television so much. What has that little scamp been up to i hear you cry? Well, L'Argent et La Rue can exclusively reveal that he has in fact moved to Bolivia and joined the circus, fancy that eh!

Eamonn Holmes update

According to sources. Eamon Holmes is now so fat that he can no longer fold his arms or clap. Instead, he must settle for crossing his fingers in front of his tie.



Watch the fat weak dickhead hiding at the side of the stage. What a numpty.

Be Excited, Very Excited - New Alanis Morissette Album in 2008

Now she hasn't released an album since 2005, and hasn't released a good album since 1998, so you can imagine how excited L'Argent et La Rue (well only L'Argent really) were when they stumbled across this performance of new track 'Not As We' whilst perusing the tinterweb!




The new album, to be titled 'Flavours of Entanglement' is due out in 2008. Leading track 'Not As We' marks a return to the more reflective ballad style for Alanis who on her most recent albums has been dabbling with a more upbeat pop approach to dubious results. Hopefully this sets the standard for the whole album as Alanis is definitely at her best when belting out a rant over Joni Mitchell style piano if not fully rocking out on tracks such as 'Uninvited'.

L'Argent et La Rue will have their beady eyes firmly glued to google for the next few months looking for more exclusive tracks and release updates. Watch this space!

Take That embarrass some dancers on tour

Those pesky Blue steel looking boys from Manchester have gone bandy-ing their cheesy pop music around the UK again. Back in their hey day (when they were a lot younger) it was cool to be surrounded by scantily clad young ladies rubbing themselves against you. The homo-erotic pop band even danced around in jelly at some point. However, now they are trying to be a serious Pop act this does not seem appropriate. Hence my great amusement in this image. Poor bird that got teamed with Gary Barlow, wonder if she drew a short straw? She must be embarrassed for the Pie Boy.
In the photo he is looking like he hasn't noticed the scantily clad bird sprawled across his chubby lap. Mark, on the other hand, looks like he is involved in a romantic embrace and is about to eat the face of the blonde girl. The other one (far right hand side) is studying the girls midriff, I don't even wanna know what the other backing singer is looking at (far left).


It astounds me that none of Take That are gay, maybe one of the backing singers might be actually. Later on, when Gary is getting down with the funky rhythm he is not interested in the gold lame girl and is actually showing off his moves to Marky Mark.
"Oi Mark, check this move, mad for it!"
"UUuggggghhhhh..." Marky Mark looks like he has forgotten that he is on stage. I hope he just sat there for the rest of the show enjoying his private viewing.

All Hail Queen Nigella!

Some may find the poshest, most hyperbolic diva of television cookery a little irritating, but L'Argent et La Rue think she is amazing, for so many reasons!

Firstly, no-one, no matter how reluctant you might be to admit it, likes to see a fat or ugly person on televison, so we are pleased to see Nigella make cooking look all glamourous with her perfectly coiffed curls gracing the screen once a week. Secondly, she is openly lazy. Anyone who suggests the easiest, quickest way to go about things is a genius!

Most of all though is how delightfully decadant she is. Her books are in many ways, a heart attack waiting to happen, but we all know that indulgent food is the best kind of food. Her indulgent approach spreads to her incredible Kitsch value, which is why you cannot possibly get annoyed by Nigella. She is like a cartoon dark haired Barbie on acid, making marshmallows and comparing them to clouds of joy! And that's why L'Argent et La Rue love her so, because she is so beyond ridiculous that she is amazing! Nigella is my hero!

While we're on the subject of Nigella, L'Argent et La Rue were mystified by her ability to keep her cardigan in the same position over her ample bosom during her show on Monday. Has she taped it in place we pondered? So, in the name of science, we have conducted an experiment, emulating her cardigan boob positioning. Result: Cardigan stays in place unaided, even when lunging forward to fill up the coffee machine! Not only does Nigella cook, she educates in scientific boob magnetism. What will she do next!

OBE for Services to Women: Hugh Grant

L'argent et La Rue are a fan of people called Hugh so it gives us great pleasure to award Hugh Grant an OBE for Services to Women. The Boy-Ra womaniser has reguarly appeared in the press for his liasions with women (even paid workers) and despite being 47 it seems he's still got it. This wonderful photo appeared on the hall of shame that is Facebook showing Hugh-dog amongst a gaggle of young ladies. He appears to be smelling the most tantastic of the girls whilst I slightly jealous looking girl in front of her mocks. How jealous she must be. Fear not young lassie (they line in Native-land) he will soon be oggling your boobs too...
Maybe ol' Grant could set up his own Posho womanising circuit much like Russel Brand's London crew of David Walliams, Dean Gaffney and Bepe from Eastenders. My suggestions include Sam Branson (I'm sure ol' Grant could teach him a thing or two), Zac Goldsmith (although I wouldn't mention Jemima if I were you Hugh), Boris Johnson (might improve his Mayor election campaign) and Jimmy Carr (not that posh, I am scraping the public school barrel.)

Hotty of the week: Genghis

This week (because obviously this feature has been consistent) the hotty of the week is everybody's favourite Eastenders character, Genghis! Often seen hanging around with other hotty Chav Dad, this is one sexy hound.

Ocean Finance adverts are shit

By request of Gary Thornton here is an Ocean Finance advert. Ocean Finance adverts are shit.

I'm Old Greg

I don't really want to jump on the Mighty Boosh bandwagon, especially not as I'm so late getting involved but we have an Old Greg plan that could result in an amusing video if we play our cards right. Plus, this clip is Michael fucking Jackson. Makes you want to drink Baileys out of a shoe

It's Britney Bitch!

I felt like this blog was lacking something. Now I realise that it was Britters (Bitch). This isn't the actual video but it's still well good.

TV Show ideas

It's no secret that the Lauras are convinced that they should have their own TV show. Aside from that, we have also come up with some wonderful ideas for potential shows if we could just get someone to commission it.
1) 60 minute surgery/Celebrity surgery: Much like the lovely Claire Sweeney's show, 60 minute make over but slightly more risquee. We would encourage the surgeons to work at a fast pace whilst carrying out minor operations. For example, tonsils out, nose job, lipo, kidneys out...Basic stuff. However, I have now also been thinking that it might be good to have a section for DIY surgery, for those that can't be bothered to wait on the NHS

2) DIY Surgery: Only slight operations that you could perform at home by yourself or with the aid of a friend. Nip tucks and all that...

3) The Simple Life L'argent et la Rue style.

4) Ask America: Many things about American life puzzle us. So we would like to sit down with America's spokesperson (Borstina) and ask her about these puzzles. What are twinkies? etc (see post below)

Dear America...

We have a few questions to ask. As we watch a large amount of American television and films some aspects of American culture get slightly lost in translation.
For example,
What is a twinkie?
Who are the icecapades?
We have a link to the otherside of the Atlantic. We can pose these questions to her so feel free to forward any further queries you may have...

If you're from Bromsgrove get up right now

I wanted to post a video my Word Lig. But I'm not sure how to do that from myspace? But go to their myspace and watch it. So good.
These are some old people from Bromsgrove. If you haven't been there before, it's a wonderful town just south of Birmingham in the wonderful county of Worcestershire.

Correction. Britters is actually carrying the baby of Kriss Kross

Remember 90s rap sensation Kriss Kross? The Mac Dad'll make you, The Daddy Mac'll make you...

David Blaine magically impregnates Britney Spears

That magical twat, who just last week we reported would be attempting to make Derren Brown's snake sick has magically impregnated Britney Spears. Without even meeting the off the rails pop star Blaine has mystically sent psychic sperm to Spears ovaries.
Shazam.

Fucking TFL

Today those fucking lazy wankers at TFL have decided that they're going to strike for the next 72 fucking hours. This song outlines many (valid) reasons why these strikes are so fucking annoying. I am now going to have to go on a really fucking crowded bus, probably squash under someone who doesn't know about personal hygiene or walk. Whilst walking isn't really a problem, London is frickin huge! And it will clearly rain all week. Awesome. Why is striking the answer? Ken motherfucking Livingstone wants to buck his ideas up or I'll punch him in the grill. This is not exactly going to help his election campaign.
TFL website states, "If possible, please complete travel by 1700 today". Course that's not possible! That motherfucking Livingstone might be about to receive a high amount of taxi receipts from myself.
Why are they striking for 72 hours?! this is ridiculous. And why didn't they start the fucking strike this morning so that people couldn't get to work rather than trapping them in work with no way of getting home.
"If anything goes wrong, it will stay wrong." This phrase pretty much sums up the whole problem.

Alex Ferguson is Fergalicious

It's a little known fact that Manchester United managed Alex Ferguson is branching out in to pop music. The surly Scottish boss realises that his football career cannot last forever so has branched out in to making his own songs. His music will come as a shock to football fans as his voice is slightly higher pitched that you might imagine.
He cites Prince as a major influence. Go here to hear his first single

James motherfucking Blunt

Rugger bugger (you know he played it at school) James Blunt appears to be attempting to make some kind of fucking comeback. Just as we'd all managed to get that shit "you're beautiful" song (I'm convinced that many couples have this as "their song" which makes me wanna vom)out of our heads his fugly face reappears on TV.
He was on GMTV this morning (God only know why I waste my time with that shit anyway) and Ben-the-arse-licker Shepherd was all, "Whaaat have you been up to?"
I believe that the posh wanker has been lazing around on Daddy's yacht for the past year being surrounded by a surprisingly high amount of hot Ra's. Ocassionally making a trip to the main land to pick up another crate of Cristal and round up some more slightly inbred looking rich women to rub suncream into his skinny chest.
When he was on TV he did look like he hadn't managed to shave in the past year, maybe he was trying to be more like Tom Hanks in Castaway. Basically, James motherfucking Blunt is a cock.

Whiley has Diseases

Yeah, you better shut that trap Whiley or someone might catch that disease you have! You may have noticed, that if a song by Gash like U2 or (motherfucking) Coldplay, or any of that dullard shiz, Whiley finds herself all covered in 'Goosebumps'. I dont think this is normal, I think she has a disease. The normal physical symptom induced by such MOR shite is vomming. Perhaps she caught some germs when licking arses, shit is full of bacteria don't you know Jo?

David Blaine is a cockend

That magical twat who likes to trap himself in glass tanks high in the sky had planned to do another fucking stupid non magic trick. The tattooed up bell-end (pictured above) has decided to be eaten by a giant snake owned by Derren Brown who he will then attempt to make sick. Essentially he is going to make Derren Brown's snake sick. He will take control of Brown's snake and then make him sick it up. Blaine has spoken out explaining,
"If you thought my previous stunts were intense, this new one will leave you speechless. I can’t reveal any details (yet) but I’ve started preparing and training for the most dangerous and death-defying challenge of my career."
Some critics have been commented on the shock of the two dickheads working together on this project. It does seem weird that Brown would lend his snake to his nemesis. Blaine says that Brown has been very understanding because, "this challenge is close to my heart."

Church of fashion

I'm not going to turn this in to a fashion blog, nor do I want to but I have to put this image up from my recent visit across the channel.
The fashion place of worship which is the Louis Vuitton store on Champs Elysees! WoooOOooo

Cliff Richard - Hot or Not?

I'm getting a little bit excited about videos this morning. Well, who wouldn't when youtube offers such a great wealth of entertainment.
I had not seen this "groovy" video until this morning and can't help but see old man Cliff in a new light. Maybe he should go back to these days of wetlook trousers and rollerblades (up dated for the kids with wheelies).


Whilst we're on the subject of rollerblades, I fucking hate rollerbladers. Especially grown ups who think its acceptable. I am under the impression that both roller skates and roller blades were created for children who wanted to have fun? Sometimes this develops and teenagers learn jumps and all that shizzle which is fine as it is usually confined to some small skate park which I never even see. However, grown adults who should know better using rollerblades as a form of transport is pretty fucking irritating. Makes me want to push them over. Wheelies make me mad too, make me think that children should never be allowed out of school.
This man is angry about Wheelies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnboTBFpHwE
Highlight, "I'm not trying to diss kids but I'm not really a big fan of them".

Hotty of the week

The hotty of the week, a feature I just decided upon which is sure to be forgotten within minutes, comes from a suggestion made by Sesame Street resident Kamantha Sohi. She commented on the supposed "hotness" of Cheers star Ted Danson. Mmmm.
Not convinced? This montage video is sure to sway your decision...

Jools Holland is SATAN.

There are a lot of cunts on television but none of them quite compare to the jiz-stained, rim-licker that is Jools Motherfucking Holland.

The main problem with old JMH is that his show is really good, and despite having to put up with spatterings of whatever gash world music some smug twat at the BBC thinks is cool that week, An Evening with Jools Holland is an important platform for less mainstream bands to delight the world with their musical musings.

What is entirely unnecessary however, is the way the slimy little cretin shamelessly sidles up to his guests, getting all matey with them and spoiling perfectly good compositons by pissing on them with horrendously pretentious spatterings of Jazz Piano.

And as for his introduction of the guests at the beginning of the show, the self-inflated little tosser may as well get his cock out and wank over whatever the line-up may be that week. Jools, they're not your freinds, they are on your show because it is good and gets ratings.

But alas, every Friday, I tune in, like some masochistic goon and rant away. If I die of an aneurysm, it will be the fault of JMH.

Fox man on the loose

Ha. The title which I have just written reminds me of a particularly witty joke involving a tree. Anyway, here is a giant fox roaming around Field Day in London's Victoria Park. As you can see from this photo, the ladies were quite distracted by this creatures good looks. It is no coincidence that the term 'foxy' is often used to describe someone sexually attractive. A fox is definitely up there with the world's most attractive animals. I don't mean thin, haggered city foxes that roam the streets raiding bins. No, I'm referring to those that take pride in their glossy coats. This trail of thought got me and Terry Nutkins thinking about other attractive animals.No, sorry but I don't agree Terry.
What about rabbits? Jessica Rabbit was always popular with the lads. Or cats? Lion's are majestic, so they've gotta be up there. Top 5 animals coming soon...

Gold, Gold! Always believe in your so-ul...

Ladies, ca-alm down. I know it's hard to resist actually licking the screen of your monitor as this man and his wonderful gold leggings probably feature in the dictionary under 'sex'. However, you can get anybody you know to rock this style, this man isn't any different from any other man he was just fortunate enough to hear about the rather fetching foil trousers. Why not recommend that your boyfriend/friend/neighbour/local shop owner/boss gets himself (or herself) a pair of these leggings from American Apparel in a size that is too big. £28 from American Apparel online.

First criticism

Robin Brian Stannard reveals his damning verdict of L'argent et la Rue

Macca can't sail Linda

Wacka Macca sits alone upon Linda in the Hamptons. If you look really closely you can see his arse crack. A source revealed dismay, "If I died, and he named a boat after me I'd haunt him."
Is Sir Paul being haunted? I'm also not convinced that he can sail, seems like he's trying to play it cool before screaming that he's drifting away. Doesn't appear to have anything to steer the boat so Macca will just sail round in circles all day. This photo was taken yesterday and he still hasn't managed to get ashore. "I need somebody...Not just anybody..."
I hope he gets another boat and calls it Heather.

Stephen King is a vandal

The author Stephen King is such a mad vandal that he has even taken to defacing his own work! He was recently spotted in an Australian bookstore scrawling on his very own novels. I'm sure lots of hard graft went in to these masterpieces.
Bookshop manager Bev Ellis said: "When you see someone writing in one of your books you get a bit toey."
Not entirely sure about 'toey' but imagine how insane you must go when you realise you're writing in your own book!
Later that day a mere member of the public described crazy King as "charming". King has more faces than Big Ben. However his representative in Australia told the media he was unaware the author was in the country. Maybe it wasn't even the real Stephen King! Maybe Stephen King and Banksy are the same person...you read it here first!

Best Drink in the World

Eamon Holmes likes Zara Philips midrift

Eamonn Holmes shocked This Morning viewers today with perverted declarations about royal family member Zara Philips. "She does like to show off her midrift doesn't she?" I'm sure he rubbed his thighs afterwards. Bad Eamonn Holmes. People have commented on Eamonn's performance being somewhat wooden. You can continue to be shocked by Mr. Holmes antics every morning on ITV at 10.30am. Keep young children away.

Must see places in Britain: Loughton

Sometimes it's easy to stick to going out in the places you know. When you live in London, you often restrict yourself to one small area. So this weekend, the Lauras considered what else was out there, what was at the other end of the central line? Well, if you're brave enough to sit on a train for an hour or so and venture to deepest darkest Essex you'll eventually stumble upon a small town known as Loughton. We think this could be the next big thing.

But what's so great about Loughton I hear you cry...Well aside from being set in beautiful countryside (see above) it also has a great array of supermarkets to offer...Including slightly pikey Morrisons
And even a Sainsburys

Still not convinced? Here are some Loughton facts...

• Alan Davies, a British actor best known for playing Jonathan Creek, is from Loughton
• All English paper money is made in Loughton
• Loughton grew because in 1615 a road was built northwards which became the main route from London to Newmarket and Cambridge

See you there!

Hugh Pennington's thought of the day

Today Mr. Pennington would like to hire a Fiat PUNtooooo.

Roadtripping

Let's take two girls...Both filthy rich
From the bright lights, Into the sticks
From velvet robes, To cattle poles
Lets take away their limousines
Their credits cards and shopping sprees
Well they're both spoilt rotten
Will they cry when they hit bottom?
Heaven knows who can survive, this simple country kind of life

Postmodern

Welcome to the crazy world of L'argent et La Rue!

"Remember this time, it's like when google began"