Kam says the funniest things: My Dad

Hotty of the Week: Craig David

This week sees the revival of Hotty of the Week and who better to award with this prestigious honour that Southampton's very own Craaaaiiiggg David. David is certainly slicker than your average and will date you for a whole week before becoming bored of you and moving on to some other Soton hoe. But at least you get a week of Craig's sweet loving, right???

He has a single out this week. It is suitably shit but you can't be hot and talented can you? Can you???

Kam says the funniest things

Do you remember the quality '90s TV show 'Kids say the funniest thing' hosted by the one and only Michael Barrymore? Well, I propose a new show called Kam says the Funniest Things. Today when I told her that the landlord had arrived to fix the toilet she responded with....

Let your children watch Sesame Street, especially Monsterpiece Theatre

Can't believe what I have been reading today about Sesame Street being no longer appropriate for children! I grew up loving Sesame Street, I would watch it every lunch time and love the Cookie Monster! I am not obese, violent or a smoker so it clearly didn't influence me to do anything bad.

Monsterpiece Theatre has been particularly criticised because Cookie Monster smokes a pipe (which he sometimes eats). Do they not realise that kids can walk down the street and see people smoking? Doesn't mean they're going to do it, and even if they do it's their choice! What happened to personal choice?!

Alien creatures discovered in Suffolk

There has been a discovery of a strange life form in the Southern English county of Suffolk. The find, which happened late last night has baffled scientists and is being considered as an attempt at an alien invasion.

The discovery on Sunday at Redgrave Park Farm near Diss, is being described as over 6,000 unknown species. One onlooker described an unusual shaped creature with wings, webbed feet and a hard almost-plastic mouth.

The BBC reports, "A 3km protection zone and a 10km surveillance zone have been set up and the farm is co-operating with vets."

In a slightly bizarre twist Mr. Benn was on hand to comment in Parliament yesterday. Mr Benn told the House of Commons: "I'm not going to speculate as to whether this outbreak is going to get larger."

Police and scientists at the scene are being sprayed with a special hose.

Despite this obviously being due to extra terrestrial activity they are investigating it's origin. "At this stage we are looking with an open mind as to the origin and all potential sources of the origin will be investigated." We're still waiting to hear from our close friend Mr. Pennington.

Ken Livingstone's pants are on fire

A great black smoke covered much of London today as the Mayor visited the 2012 olympic games site. Ken Livingstone was just preparing his speech on how little money they'd spent on the sports extravaganza when his pinstriped trousers began to smoulder.

Onlookers described their shock and outrage as Livingstone's pants burst in to flames. Onlooker Paul Izzet said,"After 10 minutes, it was like having your face six inches from a coal fire, it was that hot".

Office workers across London rushed to the window to gaze at the spectacle, much like in a school playground when a fight was about to break out. Police commented that they did not think it was a terrorist prank, "Not at all," said a police spokesman. "It's a fire -- a very large fire."

Despite two ambulances being called to the event nobody was injured and Livingstone was treated for mild burns.
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The not so changing face of Jamie Oliver

This afternoon whilst watching reruns of Jamie at Home (mainly so I can hurl abuse at the cockney dickhead) I noticed that the pie faced Oliver has barely aged. Since he burst on to our screens with his book 'The Naked Chef'' way back before the Milennium bug his cheeky-chappy face was framed by a mane of wavy mousy brown hair. Now, more than 8 years on from the launch the man who is keeping cockney rhyming slang alive appears to have not aged in the slightest.

Maybe this goes some way to explain why his face has caused so much controversy with British residents. It has been reported that, "Official figures show that more than 380,000 started a new life overseas, unable to endure another second of grinning chef."

I am intrigued by his anti aging technique. I imagine, if asked, he would say it was down to a healthy diet comprising of youzou lemons, home grown radish and le boeuf. He is not a scratch on L'argent et la Rue favourite Nig.
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