Raunchy Cliff Richard

Old Bastard heart throb Cliff Richard has shocked his fellow Christians with a saucy shoot for his 2008 calendar. The tantastic singer who is probably about to release yet another bible bashing Christmas hit is actually only 67. For some reason I assumed he was closer to 80. The Daily Mail reports that "To keep in trim he plays tennis and swims regularly, and endures intensive cardiovascular and resistance work-outs at the gym." I bet he plays tennis with the dirty Sue Barker. She loves a bit of Cliff.
"Clintons, WH Smith and Amazon have all had to place repeat orders while hundreds of fans have posted enthusiastic messages on his official website." I can't wait to get my hands on a copy, everybody I know is getting one for Christmas.

Joke about Edward Woodward

H to the Iso just told me an amazing joke and I thought I'd share it with the world

- "Why does Edward Woodward have so many d's in his name ?

If he didn't he'd be called Ewar Woowar"

Don't get mad, get even! Catknapper works hard on his garden

This sounds like a made up story, or a plot line from a daytime soap but according to the newspaper of troof, the Daily Mail, this is actually happening. The thing that staggers me about the cat mysteries of Bramley Crescent is not the sheer cheek of the avid gardener who is taking the animals but rather the imaginative names of the pets.

If I were a catknapper (which, for the record, I am not) I would steal cats on the basis of their shit names. Imagine how annoying it would be on a sunny day to be lazing in your garden only to hear your neighbour calling, "Puss Puss!" This does not sound like a pet, sounds like a mean infection. Tooty would cause similar irritation.

Is there no originality on Bramley Crescent? One of the cats is called 'Blackie' which unsurprisingly is the black cat at the bottom. I actually think this is a bit of a racist name for an animal. Why is it ok to call a cat Blackie but not a person of the Asian persuasion a Brownie?
I am intrigued by Spoon. What kind of behaviours must 'Spoon' possess to get such a name?

I'm gonna start a campaign just for the return of Spoon and Tooty. The others are probably better off with new owners who give them better names.
[source: Daily Mail]

WAIT! Maybe James Blunt DOES have a sense of humour

This is completely stolen from Pop Bitch. Sorry for this shameless easy post but it's funny! I might have been wrong about everybody's favourite posh singer. James Motherfucking Blunt loves Triangles! Maybe this is because he's a square and opposites attract?! I dunno it which world the square is the opposite of a triangle. Maybe on Sesame Street?
"I saw three angles, of that I'm sure".
I love Sesame Street, it's amazing. There's an awesome episode featuring REM singing Furry Happy Monsters. It's an old classic. This has got me thinking about other possible collaborations for the children's TV Show. How about MJ singing "Have you seen my Monkey?" (Childhood) or a pissed up Wineo or Britters. So many jokes about this being the only way Britters kids could see her but it's just too easy.

Hotty of the Week - Michael Jackson Shows Us His Inner Beauty

They say that looks don't matter, that it is what's inside that counts (although we all know that is not always true). Trust good old MJ then, L'Argent at La Rue's 'Hotty of the Week' this week to practically wipe his arse on the rule book and reach a whole new level of beauty by showing us what's inside him. Inside his face that is!

By hacking up his face more than a whole football team's worth of WAGS, MJ's inner beauty becomes his outer beauty, there for us all to see, gaping out of the holes in his expertly chiselled nose. HOT.

Nation of the Week: Russia

L'argent et La Rue have acquired a new liking for the Russian nation over the past few days. Having indirectly gained a friend called Vladimir we have been thinking about all the great Russian things such as Vodka, Cossack dancers and Tatu!
We have found many songs to support our latest interest including the MJ classic Stranger in Moscow.

There is also a Sting song about Russia, although this is pretty shit. He is just whining on about Russia and not celebrating it's greatness. Unlike the Russian national anthem...Check out the rock version!

Join us in our celebration, dig out your fur hats, coats and general warm clothing. Grab a bottle of vodka and drink it straight throughout your meals. Why not take up cossack dancing in Folkestone?

Anybody up for being in a Paris Hilton movie?

It's no secret that L'argent et La Rue think they are the next Paris and Nicole. We have faced a few teething problems in this challenge, namely that we're yet to get a TV network to back our genius show ideas, but realise that these things take time. So imagine my excitement when I saw that for her latest film the horror/musical move, "Repo! The Genetic Opera" they are advertising for extras!
Before I explain the excitement let's just consider that film. A Horror/musical...hmmm...what an interesting combination. It's like the first time any body considered fusing rock & hip-hop. I'm sure horror musicals have existed for years but starring Paris Hilton??? I hope she gets to sing Stars are Blind at some point. Hopefully when trying to win over a savage killler.
Anyway, if you live in Torronto and are DYING to meet Paris (I am seriously considering paying for the flight over the Atlantic). You have to work for 8 hours with no pay but you get a free lunch (who says there's no such thing?!) TMZ explains, "The film is a musical about organ financing after an epidemic of organ failures." Bizarre. I wonder if Hilton offered her inheritance to help out before realising that films are not real life.
Love you Paris

Where's Hugh?

Now that noone really cares about Foot and Mouth Disease any more, we havnt been seeing much of everybodies favourite bovine disease expert, Sir Hugh Pennington, on television so much. What has that little scamp been up to i hear you cry? Well, L'Argent et La Rue can exclusively reveal that he has in fact moved to Bolivia and joined the circus, fancy that eh!

Eamonn Holmes update

According to sources. Eamon Holmes is now so fat that he can no longer fold his arms or clap. Instead, he must settle for crossing his fingers in front of his tie.



Watch the fat weak dickhead hiding at the side of the stage. What a numpty.

Be Excited, Very Excited - New Alanis Morissette Album in 2008

Now she hasn't released an album since 2005, and hasn't released a good album since 1998, so you can imagine how excited L'Argent et La Rue (well only L'Argent really) were when they stumbled across this performance of new track 'Not As We' whilst perusing the tinterweb!




The new album, to be titled 'Flavours of Entanglement' is due out in 2008. Leading track 'Not As We' marks a return to the more reflective ballad style for Alanis who on her most recent albums has been dabbling with a more upbeat pop approach to dubious results. Hopefully this sets the standard for the whole album as Alanis is definitely at her best when belting out a rant over Joni Mitchell style piano if not fully rocking out on tracks such as 'Uninvited'.

L'Argent et La Rue will have their beady eyes firmly glued to google for the next few months looking for more exclusive tracks and release updates. Watch this space!

Take That embarrass some dancers on tour

Those pesky Blue steel looking boys from Manchester have gone bandy-ing their cheesy pop music around the UK again. Back in their hey day (when they were a lot younger) it was cool to be surrounded by scantily clad young ladies rubbing themselves against you. The homo-erotic pop band even danced around in jelly at some point. However, now they are trying to be a serious Pop act this does not seem appropriate. Hence my great amusement in this image. Poor bird that got teamed with Gary Barlow, wonder if she drew a short straw? She must be embarrassed for the Pie Boy.
In the photo he is looking like he hasn't noticed the scantily clad bird sprawled across his chubby lap. Mark, on the other hand, looks like he is involved in a romantic embrace and is about to eat the face of the blonde girl. The other one (far right hand side) is studying the girls midriff, I don't even wanna know what the other backing singer is looking at (far left).


It astounds me that none of Take That are gay, maybe one of the backing singers might be actually. Later on, when Gary is getting down with the funky rhythm he is not interested in the gold lame girl and is actually showing off his moves to Marky Mark.
"Oi Mark, check this move, mad for it!"
"UUuggggghhhhh..." Marky Mark looks like he has forgotten that he is on stage. I hope he just sat there for the rest of the show enjoying his private viewing.

All Hail Queen Nigella!

Some may find the poshest, most hyperbolic diva of television cookery a little irritating, but L'Argent et La Rue think she is amazing, for so many reasons!

Firstly, no-one, no matter how reluctant you might be to admit it, likes to see a fat or ugly person on televison, so we are pleased to see Nigella make cooking look all glamourous with her perfectly coiffed curls gracing the screen once a week. Secondly, she is openly lazy. Anyone who suggests the easiest, quickest way to go about things is a genius!

Most of all though is how delightfully decadant she is. Her books are in many ways, a heart attack waiting to happen, but we all know that indulgent food is the best kind of food. Her indulgent approach spreads to her incredible Kitsch value, which is why you cannot possibly get annoyed by Nigella. She is like a cartoon dark haired Barbie on acid, making marshmallows and comparing them to clouds of joy! And that's why L'Argent et La Rue love her so, because she is so beyond ridiculous that she is amazing! Nigella is my hero!

While we're on the subject of Nigella, L'Argent et La Rue were mystified by her ability to keep her cardigan in the same position over her ample bosom during her show on Monday. Has she taped it in place we pondered? So, in the name of science, we have conducted an experiment, emulating her cardigan boob positioning. Result: Cardigan stays in place unaided, even when lunging forward to fill up the coffee machine! Not only does Nigella cook, she educates in scientific boob magnetism. What will she do next!

OBE for Services to Women: Hugh Grant

L'argent et La Rue are a fan of people called Hugh so it gives us great pleasure to award Hugh Grant an OBE for Services to Women. The Boy-Ra womaniser has reguarly appeared in the press for his liasions with women (even paid workers) and despite being 47 it seems he's still got it. This wonderful photo appeared on the hall of shame that is Facebook showing Hugh-dog amongst a gaggle of young ladies. He appears to be smelling the most tantastic of the girls whilst I slightly jealous looking girl in front of her mocks. How jealous she must be. Fear not young lassie (they line in Native-land) he will soon be oggling your boobs too...
Maybe ol' Grant could set up his own Posho womanising circuit much like Russel Brand's London crew of David Walliams, Dean Gaffney and Bepe from Eastenders. My suggestions include Sam Branson (I'm sure ol' Grant could teach him a thing or two), Zac Goldsmith (although I wouldn't mention Jemima if I were you Hugh), Boris Johnson (might improve his Mayor election campaign) and Jimmy Carr (not that posh, I am scraping the public school barrel.)

Hotty of the week: Genghis

This week (because obviously this feature has been consistent) the hotty of the week is everybody's favourite Eastenders character, Genghis! Often seen hanging around with other hotty Chav Dad, this is one sexy hound.

Ocean Finance adverts are shit

By request of Gary Thornton here is an Ocean Finance advert. Ocean Finance adverts are shit.

I'm Old Greg

I don't really want to jump on the Mighty Boosh bandwagon, especially not as I'm so late getting involved but we have an Old Greg plan that could result in an amusing video if we play our cards right. Plus, this clip is Michael fucking Jackson. Makes you want to drink Baileys out of a shoe

It's Britney Bitch!

I felt like this blog was lacking something. Now I realise that it was Britters (Bitch). This isn't the actual video but it's still well good.

TV Show ideas

It's no secret that the Lauras are convinced that they should have their own TV show. Aside from that, we have also come up with some wonderful ideas for potential shows if we could just get someone to commission it.
1) 60 minute surgery/Celebrity surgery: Much like the lovely Claire Sweeney's show, 60 minute make over but slightly more risquee. We would encourage the surgeons to work at a fast pace whilst carrying out minor operations. For example, tonsils out, nose job, lipo, kidneys out...Basic stuff. However, I have now also been thinking that it might be good to have a section for DIY surgery, for those that can't be bothered to wait on the NHS

2) DIY Surgery: Only slight operations that you could perform at home by yourself or with the aid of a friend. Nip tucks and all that...

3) The Simple Life L'argent et la Rue style.

4) Ask America: Many things about American life puzzle us. So we would like to sit down with America's spokesperson (Borstina) and ask her about these puzzles. What are twinkies? etc (see post below)